Your Child's Counselor

Counseling is a vulnerable and personal experience no matter the age.  Admitting you need professional help as a parent can be humbling.. You may have feelings of failure.. Feel as if you're at your wits ends.. Feel defeated.. Feel anxious.. Choosing the right counselor for your child can be a difficult process.

Your child's counselor is your family's counselor.  And, he or she should understand these feelings or reservations you have.  You should feel heard.  You should feel understood and empathized with.  Your child's counselor is not just there to counsel your child.  He or she is there to help counsel you.. to offer you parenting help, hear your concerns, hear your updates, and help your family heal or function in a healthy way.

Your child's counselor should be a trusted partner.  You should feel confident in his/her knowledge and abilities to counsel your family.  You should fully trust him or her.  This means trusting the counselor to tell you what you need to know but keeping your child's confidence.  For example.. The counselor would discuss John's anger with you this way.. "John is expressing and exhibiting a lot of anger in our sessions.. I was wondering how he deals with anger at home and school?"... The counselor would not say.. "John spent the entire hour session beating the snot out of the bop bag.. he stabbed it.. yelled at it..etc"... You have to trust the counselor enough to tell you what information you need to know.. Not always details and specifics.. but themes and summarizations. Keeping the trust and confidence of your child is crucial to the counseling relationship.  And if the time comes when quotes and details need to be shared, you can trust that the counselor will share them in the safest way possible for the child or teen.  Keeping your child safe, is the #1 priority.

Your child's counselor is a part of the team.  The team refers to the parents, the child, the teacher(s), the pediatrician, the counselor, and other professionals--psychologist or psychiatrist etc.  Any one that is involved in helping your child is a team player.  Help cannot be achieved by one person.  It takes every one doing their part.  This is why it is important to sign a release of information.. Allow your counselor to contact those who are also helping your child.  The team will work efficiently with open commutation.  A good counselor will want to work with a team.

Your child's counselor recognizes your worth as a parent.  This cannot be understated.  Too many parents feel pushed aside when their child has a problem... "leave it to the professionals"...  If you are not actively involved in your child's counseling process, it is time to find another counselor.  NO ONE is more important in your child's life than YOU.  You are an integral part in helping your child.  The counselor is in your child's life for a moment.  You are in your child's life forever.  This means you, the parent, will see this through to the end.  You will be there to help your child through life and the complications it brings.  Therefore, the counselor should be equipping you.  The counselor helps in this time of need, but prepares you and your child to be independent of the counselor.

Why every Child should have a Bop-Bag

Meet Bobo. A play therapist's & parent's best friend.. well, one of them :) 

Brandy's BOA 

The play therapy room is a magical place.  It is filled with a variety of hand-picked toys to allow the child to safely express whatever is needed. There are three categories: real-life toys, creative expressive toys, and aggressive-release toys.  The bop-bag aka "Bobo" is categorized as an aggressive-release toy.  Aggressive-release toys allow the child to express emotions that are typically not accepted in other settings (Landreth, 2012).  Children play with the bop-bag by hitting, kicking, or tackling it.  Children pretend it's a person (real or not real in their life) and act out sequences.  Children hit the bop-bag with objects or tie Bobo up. 

Bobo is not just for the play therapy room. 

I believe every child should have a bop-bag at home.  Bobo is a great redirection tool.  Depending on your child's temperament and developmental age, there are a variety of reasons why having a bop-bag at home would be desirable.  Children who experience big emotions or have difficulty expressing their emotions appropriately or are learning how to express their emotions can benefit from having a Bobo.  It's hard to be a little person with big emotions, especially if that child doesn't have many words.  Some children go through hitting or head-banging stages.  When a child is about to (or has) head bang or hit or kick, redirect the child to the bop bag...

Hitting Example: "You're angry (or another descriptive feeling word).  But, I am not for hitting. You can choose to hit the bop bag (point to Bobo)." 

The bop-bag provides a safe place for a child to express those big emotions; emotions the child may not fully understand.  Sometimes anger or anxiety can be overwhelming.  A child might need to actually hit something to get the frustration out or open the door to understanding the emotion/behavior.  

Children learn by doing, experiencing, and (symbolically) playing.  

Redirection is the first step to dealing with aggressive or inappropriate behavior.  It's important the parent provides an outlet for the behavior, but gets to the root of the issue.  So, use the bop-bag for an acceptable outlet, but observe what leads up to the inappropriate behavior.  After the child has expressed his or her emotions by acting out on Bobo, let there be a teaching moment.  Get on your child's communication level and communicate.  Let him know it's ok to be angry.  Every one experiences anger, but it how we deal with the anger that matters.  Always remember: Consistency is key.  Consistency is comfort to a child.  

If your child has severe behavioral issues contact a professional: pediatrician, play therapist, or speech pathologist.  Often, your pediatrician will be able to refer you to a play therapist or help you decide if your child's behavior is stemming from a speech issue.  You can always google RPT (registered play therapist) in your area.  

If your child is going through normal moments of acting out or learning how to deal with big emotions, try using a bop-bag as a redirection tool.  Find what works for your family. And if ever you are worried about your child, contact a professional for help.  Good counselors want to be a team with your family.  They will recognize your worth as a parent, which is a whole other post :)

Here is an inexpensive bop-bag example:

You can find these inflatable bop-bags at Walmart, Target, or Toy R Us. But, my favorite places to find them are Ross Dress for Less, Marshalls, or TJMaxx-- I find them there for $2.99! They are cheap for a reason.  They can leak.  I found this out with my grad practicum.. water every where.  It lasted a semester for me.  My advice is to put sand in the bottom for weight.  Then hot glue the opening shut.  Also, for good measure you can use duck tape on the bottom.  I bought black duck tape, and it makes it look like a part of the bag/ keeps everything in. My almost two-year-old has one :)

Last thing, sometimes kids hitting bop-bags are just plain FUN!!  So don't read too much into something.  Let fun be fun, but use a bop-bag to redirect the not so fun behaviors.

Reference

Landreth, G. (2012). Play therapy the art of the relationship. (3rd ed.). New York City: Taylor & Francis Group, LLC.